erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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