how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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