Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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