things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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