I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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