found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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