WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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