So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
