Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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