Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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