Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
