Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
