He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
