the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
