My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
