I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
