scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
