She's JV to your varsity
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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