Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
