So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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