New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
