He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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