If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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