Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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