They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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