i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
