I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
