I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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