jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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