I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
