He kissed a someone with a penis
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
