some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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