Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
