His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
