It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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