We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
