Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
