I want to make a zoo with you.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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