I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
