I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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