if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand