puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?