Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.