i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
