Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.