I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
