I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.