Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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