I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
