The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
