So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
