I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
