Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize