I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
