It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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