College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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