apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
