We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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