she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
