I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
