So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
