He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
