Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
