how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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