honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We got so high we made milksteak
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
