Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
