Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
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I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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