Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
