Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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