hell yes lets make some ravioli
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
