tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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