girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
