the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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