dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
