If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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