dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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