Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
