Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
