mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
