i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
